Friday, July 30, 2004

Party NYC Style

Last night was my coworkers birthday so we headed out to celebrate Manhattan Style. Names on some list at some swanky club. She rented out one level and Ewan McGregor had the other. Instead of odering drinks by the glass, we got bottles. That's the way to go. The minute my drink was a quarter empty, I'd fill it up with more Vodka, no mixer needed.

I remember some dude with an eye patch-- some huge, black dude from Trinidad-- who kept telling me how beautiful I was. But I couldn't get past the eye patch. I kept telling people last night that I was a dominatrix. And they believed it because I was sporting my new black corset and I had a wicked look in my eye.

After we poured the drunk party-girl into a cab, the rest of us headed out to some European-style club (huge dance club, multilevel). The line was around the block. My friends knew people. So no waiting in line. And no paying $20 a person to get in. There we found more friends who had bottles of champagne and vodka. I danced and drank

Thursday, July 29, 2004


I've always known that I am trouble, but a recent phone call, blog (very last sentences), and IM conversation confirmed it. Last night around 3amEST, Keg called me asking for advice. Should she hook up with Boy. I said yes. I always say yes to questions of the sort.

Today, Keg instant messeged me:

keg: good idea: call RESPONSIBLE friend in middle of night for advice
keg: BETTER idea: call F in middle of night for advice
F: why? F= not responsible?
keg: you're mostly responsible!!
keg: responsible for the TROUBLE i get into

Oops. I should feel bad, but it feels oh so good to be evil!

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Triumph and Disaster in Texas

Overall, this weekend was amazing. Fun. Funny. Tiring. But incredible.

Let's analyze the goals I wanted to accomplish while in Austin for the weekend.

1--Hanging out with friends. Check.
2--lots and lots and lots of alcohol. Check.
3--lots of raunchy sex... this is where the weekend ... ahem... fell short (you'll laugh at this later). No check.

Swimming in pool with Farouche. The pre-party she and Red threw me was a blast. Everyone showed up, and what was supposed to be a small get-together with a couple of friends, ended up being a rocking party. By 11:30 I had to kick everyone out so we could go downtown... and go downtown we did. Drank. Danced. Flirted. The doorman and bartenders still recognized me after a 10-week absence. Farouche looked hot in her flirty outfit, matching her flirty attitude Saturday night. Red and Jo made some kick-ass sangria that we managed to finish off before the guests arrived. I looked hot in my new dominatrix corset. And when I was told I looked "lovely," I got pissed and demanded a better compliment. Hehe.

Kate/Red was sweet enough to drive our drunken asses around town. Thanks Kate. On the way home, I decided that it would be a good idea to hang out the window and scream at all cars...

Saturday night, after the bars, back at Farouche's apt, there was an interesting twist... six ladies (myself included) spent some time comparing nipples (color, size, etc). We could have filmed it and sold it for a bundle. Too late...

Sunday, my little sister, G, came into town. I haven't seen her in over a year, so it was cool to chill with her and her three friends. One of her friends hadn't ever smoked a bong before so she got lessons. I must admit, however, that our coachings of "put your lips over the whole hole" made her laugh more than inhale any smoke. We spent all day Sunday at a friend's lake house, barbequing, swimming, telling stupid jokes. My sister and I haven't gotten any quality time as "adults" together, so this weekend was good for our bonding. Although I was shocked to find out she bartends and is sporting new piercings and tattoos.

Now, on to the salacious bits. Friday night, I got lots of text messages from Band Boy. Here are two that I saved:

#1 - My bed fits two.
(Don't remember quite what I answered, but probably something along the lines of, "Oh, and it fits two... for what purpose?")

#2- Spend the night naked?
(By the time I got this text message it was close to 4 am so I probably answered curtly and not like I should have).

Looking back, if ONLY I had taken Band Boy up on his offer, I might not be sitting in my office frustrated as hell today...

Anyways, so back to the story... Saturday night at the pre-party, I decided to call my Mexican. Best sex ever, so giving him a call would have been worth it, even if we had parted on shaky grounds... I called and he answered the phone almost screaming, "F?!? I can't fucking believe it!! Are you in town?!?" He was asleep and I told him I'd call him after the bars closed and we'd meet up. As planned, at 2am, I called. No answer. I was looking forward to my night with him so much, that I almost cried when he didn't answer. By then, I had alienated Band Boy. So, I was only left with option 3, a good friend, who had started flirting with me. I knew he'd be game to hook up with me and that it wouldn't hurt our friendship. My friends were worried about me hooking up with him, so they hid my car keys and made it difficult for me to meet up with. He, however, came down and picked me up.

If I am debating whether or not to sleep with a guy, I decide by the way he kisses. If he's a great kisser, it generally means that he'll be universally good. And Mr. X was a good kisser, I'll give him that.... and everything following was good as well... right up until the time came to do the deed and he couldn't get it up! After much effort on both our parts, I gave up and told him to go sleep.

The next morning, his roommate & I chatted while Mr. Limp slept. He asked me how the night was, and I didn't say anything. I didn't think I was my business, but as soon as Mr. L came out of the shower, he turned to his roommate, "Dude, my hyperdrive did'’t work last night! Too much alcohol!!!" The bastard was proud!! We went to breakfast, and all he talked about was his "problem." I'll admit he was a good sport about it, making fun of himself ... and I started making fun of him... and still haventt stopped... (example, I sent him an email and told him he should eat noodles for dinner, limp noodles).

Oh, one other thing that made my weekend suck was the weather up here in nyc. Friday afternoon, I trekked up to the White Plains airport (via subways, trains, buses...). It was a long hellish ride, only to be told that all flights out of the airport were canceled due to weather. Dammit. So I had to trek my ass back to Manhattan, and fly out of LGA at 6 am. And Friday night all my friends thought I was in Texas, so they kept on calling me. So, Friday night, no sleep. I got to the airport before the sun rose, only to find out that my first flight was 2 hours late so I missed my connection. I got it all worked out. Got to TX. Drove to Austin and chilled with ladies.

I guess two out of three objectives is not that bad... I really wanted some sex...

And, on a side note, leaving Austin this time was very difficult. When I moved up to nyc in June, I was eager for the move. I'd been in bed over a month, so moving to nyc seemed like a good idea. This weekend, after having have the best weekend in a long time, I really want to move back to Austin. I miss it. And I miss my friends. Y'all rock!

Friday, July 23, 2004

No Work

I am at work, not getting ANYTHING done because all I can think about is my weekend of debauchery in Austin: lots and lots and lots and lots of boozing, hanging out with friends, and sex, of course. Lots of sex. Raunchy sex. All of Austin will be getting booty calls from me.

...Here I come...

Phone Call

When a friend is in need, you stay on the phone... even during a bikini wax...

Thursday, July 22, 2004

For the Record

My friend who implemented the Five Step Program (below) had his feelings severely hurt by all the mean things I (we) said about him. He is madly in love with me and didn't know that I thought ill of him in any way. Oops. I guess he'll know better know. But let this serve as an apology of sorts (I say of sorts because I really don't like to apologize). But now that I've written this, I can keep teasing him mercilessly. So can you, check out his web page here.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

The Steps

One of my guy friends recently told me about the Five Steps for dating that he used to lure women. I would like everyone's opinions. Personally, I used paint ceramics when I was a kid, so I would have laughed at that suggestion.. but here you go. Opinions, please.

Step 1: meet the girl some place, mention rowing in the conversation [note by F-- he's a hard core rower], she'll be interested, ask her if she'd like to try it sometime

Step 2- take her rowing at 4 or so in the afternoon  [note, he previously had told me that girls get scared on the boats so they cling to him in fear-- hence the date on the boat]

Step 3- if she's worth pursuing after the outing (you can learn lots of fun facts when a girl is in a boat)

Step 4- ceramics with good bottles of wine [note- as in, paint your own plate or bowl]

Step 5- massage (the wine tends to help here)

Step 5 generally happens at my house

Then if she's cool you can go get your ceramics together and hang out more

He told me they started to know him at the ceramics place.


This is the guy that recently told me he is the coolest person I know.


I beg to differ... but what do rest of my blogger friends think?

Monday, July 19, 2004

Turkish Pizza Boy

My weekend was unusually boring especially since I was left out of Kathleen's Surprise Birthday party. Oh well.
My weekend consisted of being alone. Finally. It seems I'm always around people.
The most important part of the weekend was the hot Turkish dude that makes pizza recognized me when I went in on Saturday. He's is hot. Hot. HOT. And he told me I looked cute. Too bad he's just (hot) pizza boy. (Yes, I am superficial). But at least I get free pizza out of it.

Friday, July 16, 2004

Happy Birthday KATHLEEN!

Everyone checkout Kathleen's Blog not only because she is fabulous, but also because it's her BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!! (tomorrow)
Love you Keg and Happy Birthday!!!!
(and I promise once I'll get over the colors soon)

Livin' it UP

Yesterday, not only did I drive into NYC, have a blast jammin' the music in the swanky new car, but I also managed to avoid the twelve cops I saw on the way home, speeding by them close to the 100mph range. Oops. At night. Double oops.
But the coolest part of the day is that I got an apartment in the nicest part of NYC, in my opinion. I guess it also depends what you consider "nice," and for me "nice" needs to be somewhere safe until I can run/kick/fight back against any type of assailant. And with the way my knee has been acting lately... Let's just say my doorman building looks good right about now.
Had dinner last night with a very nice & intelligent guy, a friend of Scotland's. Must run. Already worked more than 40 hours this week, so I am leaving the office in a giffy!

Thursday, July 15, 2004

oh yeah

Drove car into City. Windows down. Jammin' to a cool cd.

Drove from CT to LGA airport then to work. Didn't make a single wrong turn. And with no maps.

... Damn I am good.

Everyone check out Kate(r)'s blog (aka Red in a lot of my postings). She's actually really funny most of the time!

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Lookin'... OLD

Last night, I left work late. Caught a 9:15 train back to suburbia. I decided I needed a beer. So I bought a 16oz Bud Light longneck from the rolling bar in front of the train. As I walked away from the "bartender" I said to the guy, "Hey, aren't you gonna card me?"

And he said, "Lady, anyone who looks as tired as you, CAN'T be underage!"

Monday, July 12, 2004

Cape Cod-- overrated

This weekend, like the rest of the New Yorkers and Bostoners, we packed our little BMW and headed up to Cape Cod. Everyone who is anyone has a house up there and goes for the weekends. I'd been hearing about this place for weeks and weeks. We were heading up to stay with friends who lived there on the beach, complete with a private stretch of the beach.

I was completely let down. The place is waaaaaay overrated. I won't go back again. The beach is sub-par, and the friends there... well, let's just not call them friends.

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Diaries of a ____ Mind

Although my train stories might not be as interesting as Ben's Trolley Stories, I hope that they might keep you from yawning at your desk for a couple of minutes at least.

The other day I was waiting for the train, wearing a respectable knee-length skirt when a big gust of wind came and blew the skirt around my head, a la Marilyn Monroe. I had my crutch in one hand, my briefcase under one arm, and was holding a newspaper, as well. Let's just say everyone got an eyeful... oops.

Also this week: standing on the platform, my sleek Gucci sunglasses, high heels, another respectable knee-length skirt, and Prada briefcase. An elderly man with a can walked over to me, and said, "Excuse me, miss. But I just wanted to tell you that you look gorgeous... and if ya got it, work it."

I guess I should have been flattered, but what was that second part about?! Work it? Please, that's my middle name.

One of my friends from Austin who lives in nyc has been staying with me in Connecticut this week. It's been nice having her around. I taught her to knit so now I have someone to knit with. We get double the looks now on the trains... two chicks glammed up knitting away...

For all you who know who Band Boy is... well, he's back in the picture. We've been having naughty aim conversations (I'm that bored at night in CT) and he's asked me to "stay with him" when I'm in TX next week... hehe

Also, for all you who have used my crutches over the past few months (ie. Farouche, Kate(r), etc) beware: someone up here to played with my crutches in April had a freak accident yesterday and broke her LEG! So the curse is coming true... watch your step...

Tuesday, July 06, 2004


I ride the train back & forth from CT to nyc and I get stares from everyone on the train... possibly because I am in high heels with a crutch. Oh, and because I sit on the train and knit. The knitting and the crutch I guess are odd to the average person. And so far I've commuted only four days and the train conductors already know me and save me seat. Once again, the crutch, the knitting and the big fat scar on my knee must help singe me in their minds. Oh well. Stares are nothing new for me after all. I get them one way or another.

This past weekend, drove from CT to Long Island, usually a drive that takes over an hour. I did it in 34 minutes flat. But then again I had a hard time keeping the Beemer under 90 mph. A Ferrari Modena (not my choice, if I had a choice I'd get the classic Testarossa) zipped by me. I was going about 95mph, so for him to zip by me... well, he was going fast. I had to speed up to catch him, of course. And just as I managed to catch him, he exited from the freeway. Next tune.

And everyone's been asking me about Elimidate. I don't think I can go to the meeting with the director this Wednesday. I have a dinner party to go to. I really don't wanna be slutty, nasty and bitchy on nat'l television...

Thursday, July 01, 2004

To ELIMIDATE or not?

Of all the random things that could happen to me...

Today, I got a casting call from Elimidate (that horrid, trashy show, that I know all us like to watch late at night when we're bored) to be on the show.

I go in on Wednesday to meet the casting director, but now I'm having second doubts... am not really trashy enough for that show...

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