Monday, August 30, 2004

Out of Control*

This weekend was Out Of Control on so many levels:

- Kate's driving in the City-- swerving, speeding, and generally almost killing dozens of pedestrians.

- My driving from CT to NYC-- tailing a dude in a red car because he was going 50mph in the fast lane. He then proceeded to follow us and scare Kate to death. We were convinced that he was in the Chinese Mafia and was going to kill us. So I had to speed and weave in traffic to lose him. And getting lost in the Bronx, Queens, and Brooklyn... in the bad parts, was pretty Out of Control.

- The music and the Dancing at Le Souk. Belly dancers, fire, lots of booze, sweaty bodies grooving.

- Kate's drinking. On Friday by midnight she was hammered.

- The museums. Branusi's famous sculputre called "Erect Cock" at the Guggenheim.

- The Rebublican Nat'l Convention. All these pple in the City... arrrgh!

- The preps in CT. Kate was shocked. I've become numb. If the whole world were to slip away into the Ocean, save for CT... well, human kind would be doomed.

There were more things that were Out Of Control, but I have to get back to work...

* Only Kate will truely understand this title.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Tired at Work

I need to quit going out on random week nights till dawn. Last night I crawled in bed way after 4am. The rest of the group (random friends of friends in town from LA, Germany, Italy, the Middle East and I forgot where else...) stayed out way past I did because I caught one of my roommates sneaking in with a girl right when I was heading out to work. This girl had the BIGGEST boobs I've ever seen in my life (well, in person, and not on a pornstar on tv). If she had been a sea during the Titanic disaster, she could have saved everyone!

Working now is hard. But Kate is in town for the weekend, so party time!

I have more things to post on my weekend in the Rockies, but I guess it'll have to wait for a slow week...

The Truth and Nothing But

Everyone has been asking me if I did or didn't have sex last weekend.

Let's start by saying that my bar tab (which I have here) has on it:

- 13 blow job shots
- 5 buttery nipple shots
- 9 stiletto shots (that's crown & amaretto-- love these!)
- 3 bud lights
- 8 vodka 7's

I drank all that, plus more. Oh, and the guy that I don't remember sleeping with is the bartender, so it's not as if I paid for any of that booze.

That night, I:
- danced on stage with the band
- booty called people who were thousands of miles away
- lost my dad's car keys
- puked on someone's floor
- passed out in someone else's bed
- woke up naked in someone else's bed
- didn't remember having sex
- awakened the naked body next to me and had him drive me home at SEVEN AM!!!
- bounced around hungover in my dad's jeep, making him think I wasn't hung over

I got quite a bit accomplished in one night.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004


If you're too drunk to remember you had sex, does it count?
(This is akin to the age-old question: If a tree falls and no one is around to hear it fall, did it make a sound?)

More details on this later. But first, opinions.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Beauty v. Intelligence

Last night, over a bottle of white wine and superb Italian food, by boss told me, "F, I want you to know, and always remember, that you are more beautiful than you are intelligent."

I was pretty mad, because I value my intelligence and I believe that I am pretty smart. I tartly answered, "Well, I hope you're telling me that I am extremely beautiful, because I think I
am very smart."

The bastard just laughed.

And for record, I think I'm smarter than I am hot.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Weekend News

When I get back the office on Monday, there is always so much to say, so my blogs usually end up long and stuffy (even with stories about ED, nipple comparisons amongst women, and lots of other random nudity), but this week shall be different. Here are some of the things that happened over the weekend of note, in no particular oder of importance.

1-- One of my older brothers (I have four) was bitten by a brown recluse spider. He has to have hunks of his arm taken off because they are rotting. Haha. I laugh because he had bad karma and it came and bit him (pun intended). (update, he's fine. His arm is still attached, but I think he's having surgery to remove the rotting bits. And yes, I am serious).

2-- I got a new apartment in the East Village. Yay! The coolest thing is the location: the East Village is fun, but living mere steps from the notorious Hell's Angels official Hang Out... well, that spells trouble!

3-- I got to ride around in a cop car. I was walking somewhere, and the street I needed to go on was blocked off because of a bomb scare. My knee was sore, and I was wet, so I decided to wait until the street was opened back up so I didn't have to walk eight blocks out of the way. While I was waiting, I chatted with cops. And I finally asked them if they'd give me a lift. And, of course, they did.

4-- I met my future ex-husband. Ignacio "Nacho" Figueras.

More later.

Friday, August 13, 2004

Random bits of dialogue

Conversation #1, from Greyhound Bus. A chick and a dude were sitting behind me. He had a heavy accent. The conversation went as follows (as I tried to sleep- dirty assholes!):

Girl: "OH, you have an *accent*! WOW, where are you from?!?" (as I roll my eyes and GAG!)
Boy: "I'm from Poland"
Girl, very disappointed. "Oh... well, where's THAT?" (ME: Laughing out loud by now!!)
Boy, "uhhh, well, it's in europe"
Girl, "like, near France?" (I am truly disgusted by now)

Jeeze, Americans are dumb!


Conversation #2, on IM with Mr. Limpy (haha, I laugh whenever I think of his nickname).

Me: "I'm really bad about taking pple up on dares and bets"
Limpy, " Uh huh, i'm not a dare, I'm a challenge"
Me, "yeah, it's a challenge to get your penis up" (damn, I can be harsh sometimes)

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Viagra- YAY!

Working for a psychiatrist, we get lots of free meds to hand out to patients. Yesterday, I causally mentioned to my boss that we should get some Viagra to have so we can give to patients who experience loss of sexual apetite due to all the psychotropic meds they are on... So today, I spent the morning on the phone tracking down the drug reps for Viagra and Cialis, and as soon as we get some in, the first person who is getting some is... Fill in the blank... (For a hint read this old post, towards the bottom, in bold). Hehe.

Viva the Mets

My father *loves* baseball. During the season, it's all he talks about. And when I step into a lit baseball stadium & hear the crowd, my heart skips a beat. Last night, Spin & I went to a Texas-Exes get together at Shea Stadium. Mets v. Astros. Game was unimpressive, but being in a ballpark with friends, cute boys, and some ice cream (it was cheaper than the beer) is always a blast! ... and Spin & I went to the game in the pouring RAIN. We are hard-core!

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Bad Girl's Guide to Work*

Bad Girl's Guide to Work: call your boss from Vermont and tell him your bus is canceled due to inclement weather (while looking out the window at a *gorgeous* & sunny day). Boss offers to pay for flight back to nyc the same day. You tell your boss you called the airline, but that all the seats were all sold out (while in reality you sit and drink with friends). Tell boss the only solution is for you to come back Monday. He has all the office phone calls fowarded to your cell phone, so you can bill for you time while you sit on a fucking Greyhound.

Joy, oh joy.

All this for some time with old childhood friend and her family.... oh, and Vermont really is pretty.

*Title compliments of Kathleen (and the Bad Girl Guides).

Friday, August 06, 2004

Lunch, the Boss, and lots of Wine

Yesterday, my boss & I went to lunch together. I fowarded all the calls from the office to my cell phone so I was working. Leasurely lunch. Lots of white wine. And lots of expensive Italian food. Is there a better way to pass an afternoon? Good wine, good food, all paid for, and of course, I billed as well.

Off to Vermont today. Yay!

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Night Out with the Boys

Last night, I met up with two boys that I know in town. One is actually a patient, (oops) but since we "randomly" met at gay bar, there is no harm done. Walking into a bar FULL of guys is always fun. Not to toot my own horn, but when I walk into a room full of men, some of them (or most) usually turn to check me out. Not so last night. When I walked into the room with Phoenix all eyes turned to him. I wanted to cry. It was like being a in candy store with no money!! But hanging out in a bar full of gorgeous men was blast. And I've found that the guys, no matter what sexual tendencies they may have, always buy me drinks. Yay!

So, after lots of Jager shots and pints and pints of beers with the boys, I hopped in the subway and headed home. In my drunken state, I managaed to get off at the correct stop (yay!) but then I walked 5 blocks in the wrong direction. So I had to turn around and hike it back home lots of extra blocks (not yay). Got looks from the snooty doormen. Stumbled into bed. Missed another one of Kathleen's drunk dials. Last night was one in a series of many that I've gotten all week. (Yay! I love that my friends think of me when they drink!! Esp ADD Kathleen! Yay!)

Today, I have lawyers in my ofc. I was sworn in for a deposition (not yay!)

Sunday, August 01, 2004

The Cure is the cure

Saturday night, I headed downtown to meet up with Spin, it being her birthday. The club she chose as her hangout, we found out, was the locale that The Cure had chosen as their after-concert party spot. And for all of you that don't know me, I LOVE 80's music. I was in heaven!! Robert Smith was loosen' hot in his makeup-- and he looked even hotter since I'd downed a few drinks.

Our friend Kay is in the City from D-Town and part of our conversation went as follows:
Kay, "Good to see you! How are you?"
F, "Great. I'm not wearing any underwear."
Later on, F, "Hey Kay, I smoked some pot last night?"
Kay, "Really? I masturbated last night."
Kay, you're the coolest boy I know.

Getting drunk at The Delancy Club with The Cure was allright, but lots of Spin's friends couldn't get in because they got in late. So we moved. When I start drinking, I have no clue where I am in the City, but I am always good for following the fun.

We ended up at some bar, that I couldn't find again. Ever. Lots of shots from boys. One boy with a braces started to kiss my neck. That's when Kay started being my fake boyfriend.

Around 4am, we headed over (down? up?) to an apt where a bunch of guys lived. We decided to wanted to play beer pong (called Beirut up here). So we headed out and bought beer and pizza. While in line, I spied some cute boys, all with their shirts off. I surmised they were gay, and asked where the club is. The cute gay boy told me I was, "Fabulous! And we love fabulous girls like you. We love you, but we won't fuck you. So come to my club next weekend. You're on the list. Tell 'em I sent you." Sweet deal.

I lost miserably at peer pong. I was up till 7. We all crashed one atop the other. But when I woke up at 10am, I was ALONE. I hightailed it out of the apt, only to realize I had NO MONEY. I didn't know where I was, and I had spent all my money on cabs, beer, and pizza. Oops. I saw a metro stop and hopped in and headed uptown. The nearest stop that line stopped at was 51st street. I live on 72nd. So I hiked it uptown in the rain, yes the rain, in my clubbing gear... with all the church-goers staring at me. The rain made my outfit a bit see-through, but hey, I like my red bra.

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