Friday, January 28, 2005

"I don't drink, Officer"

While in PR, cops are posted outside of the bars to make sure that drunkards don't leave the bar with a drink.

One night, I had ordered a Cap Morgan & Coke, then I had immediately received a phone call and had to run to meet someone. Not wanting to down my drink, I decided to take it with me. I left the bar, drink in hand, and the cop stopped me. Drunk as I was, I proceeded to convince the cop I wasn't drinking (in Spanish): No officer, there is no alcohol in here. It's just a coke. I do NOT drink & drive. I'm waay more responsible than that. Cop gives me a skeptical look. Fine, I said, taste it. Come on, taste it. Do it. Needless to say, he didn't taste it, but waved me out of the bar. Victory number one.

The second victory came when I left the bar with a beer in hand and as I climbed into my car, the cops drove passed and I actually lifted my beer in salute to them. What the hell was I thinking?! They smiled and waved.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Can it be a Coincidence?

I kissed (er... made out with) four boys while in Puerto Rico (I know the number is a bit low, but I was worried more about hanging out on the beach than chasing boys), three of which were Puerto Rican, and only one was a white dude. All three of the Puerto Rican boys were bad kissers. All three. I figured one is a bad kisser, it's a mistake. Two, a coincidence, but three? Well, three is a trend. Too much of a trend for me. And let me explain how they kissed so poorly: all three of them came at me with their full tongues extended out of their mouth, like they were trying to kill me with their tongue. *shudder*

Anyways, my last night in PR, I had invited both boys to meet up with me. And since I still couldn't decide which one I liked better, I had made up my mind that the first one that showed up would get lucky... well, as it turned out, neither one of them showed up! I was royally pissed, but was assuaged by the fact that they are going to hear from me when I go back down there on Feb 11th (haha, I'm going back down, paid by someone else as a bday gift).

Currently, I am in Rome. Got here yesterday and my day got off to a great start when my sister invited me to go along with her to dinner on a reality tv show. The tv station put a dozen minor celebs in charge of a restaurant. Once a week, it's live on tv, where two celebs are voted off. It was pretty boring for me, but still cool that I got to be in tv.

Hope everyone is well. Back in nyc on Feb 8th.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Death By Kiss*

Lots to say about Puerto Rico, but first off... ummm, I'm still HERE. A combination of no flights, tropical storms and boys have kept me on the island, being an insanely bad friend to Red, who was (is?) coming to New York to see me.

Don't have much time to write cause the net costs $9870983098 dollars per hour and it's so slow (yay 56k!), so will need to be succint.

1st night here-- cruised into town. No one I knew was here, so I had to make new friends and stayed in their house. One of my new friends was a tattoo artist (Vader, I thought of you) who spent the morning tattooing his friends on the beach. I almost got talked into getting one.

The second night, I managed to really piss off the boy that really liked me (when I was here last time there were 2 boys, one I hooked up with and one that liked me a lot whom I didn't hook up with). This time around, I had decided to hook up with the boy that liked me, but when it came to crunch time, he was such a bad kisser, I lost my interest in him. Instead of telling him he sucked at kissing, I just told him I was tired. He stormed out my hotel and has not spoken to me since. I, however, have proceeded to tell the WHOLE town that he is mad at me b/c I wouldn't have sex with him. His name has been duely rubbed in the dirt.

Later on, I met the best friend of the boy I hooked up with last time (we all remember him right? Sperm in the eye boy?). Well, his best friend and I spent ALL day yesterday together, and I had a BLAST. This one is hot, smart, built, funny, witty, and a smart ass... and did I say he was hot? After a long day of flirting, and me debating which boy I liked better, I finally kissed him. And once again, it was AWFUL. What IS it about boys here having to attack girls with their tongues? I do NOT like having someone's tongue THRUST down my throat. I just can't handle it. I should write a fucking memo to hand out to guys before we make out. So the night ended there. I will not sleep with a boy when I don't even like the way he kisses!

Here is where I stand how: I should be in NYC with Red (but it's snowing). I should be with boy from last night (the "bestfriend"), but I am at the internet cafe. And I should be deciding which boy I like better. Boy from last night or boy from last time. I like Sperm/Eye boy better, but he is never around b.c he works in the ER. What to do? What to do? At least Sperm/Eye was a better kisser... but he shot a wad in my eye and almost blinded me...

... choices, choices...
---------
*Title taken from IM conversation with Keg.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Take This Job and Shove It

As I walked out of my office yesterday, I should have sang the song "Take this job and shove it," but alas, I am not that crafty, and truthfully, all I wanted to do is get the hell out of there. I put the letter on my boss' desk and walked out.

I am not lounging in Connecticut in my pj's, doing laundry, eating ice cream, cooking brownies and enjoying life, something I haven't done in a while.

Oh, and Puerto Rico should be interesting. "Sperm/Eye Boy" has a girlfriend and maybe even a child. I have spies everywhere. Look for a blog on Monday.



**** Update, Friday night, 3:13am. Staying in Puerto Rico till Wednesday. Should be loads of trouble. Look for a blog on Thursday or Friday.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

News, news, news

Sorry I haven't written, but things have been hectic. Had a wild new years that involved corsets, knee-high boots, feathers, lots of champagne, boys, falling in the ice, missing sheets, stripper poles, soccer mom, the jewelry lady, the black burban, furry Chewbacca boots, and penguin moves, and Dirty Sanchezes.

I could tell you wild stories. I could tell you what happens when you put five hot chicks and two guys in one cabin atop a mountain. I could tell you about Sistah Lindz' Stigmata. I could tell you what I did Tuesday night till 7 am...with my brother's best fried. Oh, the stories I could tell! But I won't. I will, however, tell you about quitting my job. (If you want some pictures from New Years' go to Shine's blog).

I am quitting my job. On Tuesday I will hand in this letter:

With this letter, I render my resignation, effective immediately, due to cruelty, mendacity, and a hostile work environment.
Signed, F.


And the only reason I am waiting till Tuesday is because that is when I get a check.

Here is why I am resigning. When I left to go home for Christmas, I took unpaid leave (b/c I had already used up all my vacation time) so my boss asked me to hire a temp. When I got back to the city, he told me that I had to pay her. What an asshole. And that is just one of many, many things.

On a better note, I already know what I am going to do with my spare time: I have been made co-chair of a Sri Lankan aid organization that is going to get people in the States to adopt a home in Sri Lanka that has been torn down. We are also getting Churches to adopt-a-Church that was destroyed. I've been given an office and everything. So it looks like in February I am going to Sri Lanka, but before that, there still is Puerto Rico next Friday, then Rome a week after that. Yay!

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